My journey to Islam

None could have happened without Him as there is no god but the one true God, the Almighty, the Powerful who can perform miracles in our lives if we place our trust in Him and ask for them. But my life continued to be a living hell, because I was not happy with it. I continually lived on the edge, waiting -waiting to go ‘home’.
I drifted away from all the Christian churches and decided to look into the philosophies of other religions. I read different books and studied all religions except for Judaism. I became quite interested in Buddhism, but could not accept Buddha as being God.
I did not know God’s Name, or whether he even had one. I wanted to believe He had a name, and listened to lectures and read literature from a sect called the Jehova’s Witnesses. These were the only people I knew so far that had given a name to God. What also comforted me about them was that they did not accept Jesus to be the Son of God either, so I felt we had something in common in our beliefs. This venture, like all the others before them, did not last long.
I moved far away from my family and culture because I didn’t want to pretend any longer that I was a part of their way of living. I was criticized and disliked for my stance and for my attitude, so I broke all contact with them knowing we could never reach an amiable understanding. I wanted to live my life my way. The only problem was I did not know which way that was, and continued searching with greater frustration.
In the latter part of the last ten years, I researched Hinduism. I became quite interested in it, but then I realized I could not accept the many gods they worshipped. I did become a vegetarian from that experience and would not eat meat of any kind.
I decided not to search any longer and put my search on hold. I became a very spiritual person for the next five years, reading and praying and being obedient to my God, always asking His help when I needed it, and always believing that I would find my way “home” someday. I felt that someone would come for me. ‘Someone’ would come and take me back where I belonged, where I would find peace of mind and happiness. I truly wondered if I would ever really find that place – my home, the place where I knew I should be.
Disappointment was setting in as I realized I had only two more religions to research. It was now a choice of which one to study first – Judaism, or Islam. Both put me in denial.
I had been reading the newspapers and listening to the media on their horrific stories about Islam. The Muslims were terrorists! And the Jews, well they had killed Jesus! One was – or seemed to be – as bad as the other!
I had read all the stories in the media about the ªyatullah Khomeini who led the Islamic Revolution of Iran in 1979. My mind froze when I thought about the choice I had to make. I perceived them both in such a negative way that I decided to stop and to not go further with my research. I would remain as I was, indifferent – but spiritual. I could never convince myself to believe in any of the other religious philosophies, and I would certainly never become a Muslim or a Jew!
As I grew older I became bitter and unhappy with my life. I still had not found what I was searching for, and it seemed that I never would. I just wanted to “go home” but could not find it anywhere. I continued with my prayers however both upon rising in the morning and at the end of the day.
I stayed alone and read a lot. I became bored and withdrew from normal society. I disliked violence and the abuse of our environment. As for the people in the society, it seemed that they would go out and get drunk to escape reality and then became abusive to their families and to their pets. Poor families, hungry children, homeless people – all residing in one of the richest countries of the world where the government did nothing to help them. These people had no God in their lives at all. I still had my God; I still had hope; I still prayed faithfully. That was all I could do to keep myself from going into deeper despair.
I worried about the state of the world. The wars – both cold and real, and to what was happening to people that lived in a frugal household, dumped by an uncaring rich society. People only rationalized about how much wealth they could attain, the flashy new car to drive, expensive designer clothing, and bigger and fancier homes with a pool!
Neighbours seemingly were trying to outdo neighbours, family and friends with the materialistic‘proof’ of their success. Happiness and relaxed living were not a part of the lifestyle and I wanted no part of this sort of life. Many of these people attended a church on Sundays, superficially and pretentiously worshipping their God. Often times, and more often than not, living in a state of complete loneliness, relying on their computers or friends for fun and companionship to break away from it all!
One day at my job, I received a telephone call from a young child. This child was calling for help but I was not sure how to help her. She persisted in calling me back continuously that day after I had hung up on her. She did not know her address or her telephone number and said she was left alone. I tried questioning her, but to no avail and thus, had to hang up because I had other phones ringing which I had to quickly answer in the office.
This child was begging for help so I went to my supervisor for advice on how to handle the call. After listening to the child herself, my supervisor got upset with me and told me not to bother answering her calls anymore and to hang up until she stopped phoning. I wanted to keep the call on hold and call the police to try to trace the child’s phone number.
My supervisor said ‘no’ don’t do that, and told me to go back to my job. She was annoyed with me and said I couldn’t “save the world”! She was right, I could not save the world – not without the help of others. People had to care to help, but people only cared about themselves and not about those in dire need. They simply had no time to think about anyone but themselves.
I was left feeling troubled for a long time after that phone call. My conscious bothered me particularly for not having sought to get that child some help. I often wondered if that child was all right, or if it was just a call to loneliness. I will never know.
One Saturday while visiting the local library, I came across a book that interested me. The writer was a Muslim. I would go to the park on weekends to read and write and noticed that many of the people who were walking through the park were Muslims. I also noticed that my neighbours who lived in the apartment above mine were Muslims.
I would not look at them long or acknowledge them because I feared them. I feared that I could not trust them and that it was better that I just mind my own business.
Every morning before sunrise, I would hear them get up and hear the water run. The tap would open and run, and then shut off; and again it would be turned on and run for a few seconds before being turned off. I wondered what they were doing! I woke up every morning to the habitual sound of their water taps that seemed to be a ritual.
It happened every morning I noticed and I became quite curious as to what they were doing. They were quiet people that kept to themselves. Later on, I learned that these people were saying their morning prayers. I admired them for their punctuality and faithfulness. They had a loyalty to God that I liked, and wanted! But they were also Muslims I reminded myself…